I Am Not A Good Friend.
I am not a good friend. I have come to this conclusion in the last few weeks as my small circle of friends in the community I live in has dissolved. I feel maintaining friendships is really hard in the town I live in. Maybe it was because I wasn't sure I really wanted to live here.
I grew up in the Black Hills, lived in larger cities, then I met my husband and I move to a town of about 10 people with the closest town having a population of about 800. I was 50 miles from a movie theater, a Wal-Mart and a hospital. I went from all access to limited access.
My first few dates with my husband in the local town I was SO not impressed with the people--I am not going to lie. My first date I met the town drunks (all have since passed away). The next two dates I witnessed public domestic violence. And what I was told is "that is just so and so". Now all of us who have lived in smaller towns have heard "that is just so and so" many times--but I didn't grow up in a small town--I grew up in a tourist town. Maybe I was a little naive on what was happening in the town I grew up in. I also liked big city life where no one knew me and I didn't know them. As public as I am--I also like my privacy. Anyways--I was not impressed with the town--but I loved the man I was with and he grew up in the area so I decided I should maybe give it a chance.
Now for those living in the town that I am talking about who happen to be reading this--before you get angry please take deep breaths and keep reading.
I struggled to make friends--there were reasons I struggled--I didn't adjust living in a small town--I was related to a few talkers (the so and so's) and I didn't handle that well. I was constantly told "that is just so and so" and to just ignore it. Well rumors are hard to ignore.
In high school I had a small circle of friends--and I am happy to say they are still my closest friends today--they know I am a type A personality--they know I am going to be blunt and in return they are pretty straight forward with me. Matter of fact when I was going through all of this family farm stuff and the marriage was pretty strained I had friends be very straight forward on how they felt about my situation and felt comfortable telling me I should divorce him and GET OUT. And when I chose to stay--they stood with me and STILL stand by me today. Because THAT is what friendship is--standing by and supporting even when you don't WANT to support. I didn't care to much about what people thought of me in high school because I had these beautiful friends. So why was what was being said about me in this town rubbing me so raw? I had kids this time. And we all know our reputations will fall onto our kids. And THAT was killing me on the inside.
Unpacking this baggage was difficult. But once my daughter was approached at school about a rumor going around about me and it was brutal and I had to help her through it. And that is when I decided to really look at the town, the people and begin figuring out what my role is here. Or do I even have a role. Or do I want a role?
I took a step back and actually looked at the town in general and not the so and so's--and what I saw in this town was amazing support for anyone fighting cancer--or suffering over the loss of a loved one. I saw a town that made it a priority to make sure that our elderly were fed and our food pantry was full. The community projects that came out of the elementary and high school impressed me beyond belief. I saw kids go to the nursing home to work with the residents. I saw a lot of life from a small amount of people. I saw kindness, I saw love and I saw togetherness.
And for the so and so's--I found that those the talk the loudest know the least. I also want to thank those so and so's that sent my life in a whirlwind of emotions because they launched this blog. And for those that continue to say "that's just so and so" shame on you. Don't put a crown on a jester just because that is how they are doesn't mean their behavior should never be called out. On the other hand--you created the beasts and you will have to bury the beasts when it is all over.
Do I have friends here in this town--I like to think so. I hope so. I attempted to have a small circle of friends (in this community) like I did in high school but found that I am probably a little to much for them when it comes to being friends. I have decided it would be in my best interest to be friends with anyone that I can. But I doubt I ever get to close to anyone in this community. And it is not to be taken as an insult--I just feel the so and so's have a lot of influence and having my small circle of friends ending in the last year I am in no way ready to be super close to anyone in this community at this time.
This bag is far from being unpacked. I frankly don't know how my circle of friends from high school are still with me but thank you and I love you so much. You keep me sane!!! I am fiercely loyal to you! You are my strength and have stood by me when I no longer wanted to stand.
If I can offer any advice it is to step back. Identify your so and so's in your community and understand they are not people you need to be around. Also don't let a few so and so's ruin what the community truly is. I have found stepping back built strength within me. And finally--those that have an opinion of you--whether it is positive or negative opinion is really NONE of your business--don't let them make it your business. Keep moving forward!!!!
Next week I will be ending this series by talking about why I stayed with my husband through all of this cluttered mess.
I will also be heading to Japan/Taiwan next week so I would love for anyone reading this to send good travel vibes my way. I have never traveled this long on a plane and the airports I am flying out of are some I have never been through before so there is a lot of new learning experiences for me. But isn't that what life is? A great learning experience. I will be keeping everyone updated as best I can on the "A Few Things" Facebook page. Here is the link https://www.facebook.com/AFewThingsKJ/ Please feel free to also "Like" the page as well.
Until next week--Kristi
I grew up in the Black Hills, lived in larger cities, then I met my husband and I move to a town of about 10 people with the closest town having a population of about 800. I was 50 miles from a movie theater, a Wal-Mart and a hospital. I went from all access to limited access.
My first few dates with my husband in the local town I was SO not impressed with the people--I am not going to lie. My first date I met the town drunks (all have since passed away). The next two dates I witnessed public domestic violence. And what I was told is "that is just so and so". Now all of us who have lived in smaller towns have heard "that is just so and so" many times--but I didn't grow up in a small town--I grew up in a tourist town. Maybe I was a little naive on what was happening in the town I grew up in. I also liked big city life where no one knew me and I didn't know them. As public as I am--I also like my privacy. Anyways--I was not impressed with the town--but I loved the man I was with and he grew up in the area so I decided I should maybe give it a chance.
Now for those living in the town that I am talking about who happen to be reading this--before you get angry please take deep breaths and keep reading.
I struggled to make friends--there were reasons I struggled--I didn't adjust living in a small town--I was related to a few talkers (the so and so's) and I didn't handle that well. I was constantly told "that is just so and so" and to just ignore it. Well rumors are hard to ignore.
In high school I had a small circle of friends--and I am happy to say they are still my closest friends today--they know I am a type A personality--they know I am going to be blunt and in return they are pretty straight forward with me. Matter of fact when I was going through all of this family farm stuff and the marriage was pretty strained I had friends be very straight forward on how they felt about my situation and felt comfortable telling me I should divorce him and GET OUT. And when I chose to stay--they stood with me and STILL stand by me today. Because THAT is what friendship is--standing by and supporting even when you don't WANT to support. I didn't care to much about what people thought of me in high school because I had these beautiful friends. So why was what was being said about me in this town rubbing me so raw? I had kids this time. And we all know our reputations will fall onto our kids. And THAT was killing me on the inside.
Unpacking this baggage was difficult. But once my daughter was approached at school about a rumor going around about me and it was brutal and I had to help her through it. And that is when I decided to really look at the town, the people and begin figuring out what my role is here. Or do I even have a role. Or do I want a role?
I took a step back and actually looked at the town in general and not the so and so's--and what I saw in this town was amazing support for anyone fighting cancer--or suffering over the loss of a loved one. I saw a town that made it a priority to make sure that our elderly were fed and our food pantry was full. The community projects that came out of the elementary and high school impressed me beyond belief. I saw kids go to the nursing home to work with the residents. I saw a lot of life from a small amount of people. I saw kindness, I saw love and I saw togetherness.
And for the so and so's--I found that those the talk the loudest know the least. I also want to thank those so and so's that sent my life in a whirlwind of emotions because they launched this blog. And for those that continue to say "that's just so and so" shame on you. Don't put a crown on a jester just because that is how they are doesn't mean their behavior should never be called out. On the other hand--you created the beasts and you will have to bury the beasts when it is all over.
Do I have friends here in this town--I like to think so. I hope so. I attempted to have a small circle of friends (in this community) like I did in high school but found that I am probably a little to much for them when it comes to being friends. I have decided it would be in my best interest to be friends with anyone that I can. But I doubt I ever get to close to anyone in this community. And it is not to be taken as an insult--I just feel the so and so's have a lot of influence and having my small circle of friends ending in the last year I am in no way ready to be super close to anyone in this community at this time.
This bag is far from being unpacked. I frankly don't know how my circle of friends from high school are still with me but thank you and I love you so much. You keep me sane!!! I am fiercely loyal to you! You are my strength and have stood by me when I no longer wanted to stand.
If I can offer any advice it is to step back. Identify your so and so's in your community and understand they are not people you need to be around. Also don't let a few so and so's ruin what the community truly is. I have found stepping back built strength within me. And finally--those that have an opinion of you--whether it is positive or negative opinion is really NONE of your business--don't let them make it your business. Keep moving forward!!!!
Next week I will be ending this series by talking about why I stayed with my husband through all of this cluttered mess.
I will also be heading to Japan/Taiwan next week so I would love for anyone reading this to send good travel vibes my way. I have never traveled this long on a plane and the airports I am flying out of are some I have never been through before so there is a lot of new learning experiences for me. But isn't that what life is? A great learning experience. I will be keeping everyone updated as best I can on the "A Few Things" Facebook page. Here is the link https://www.facebook.com/AFewThingsKJ/ Please feel free to also "Like" the page as well.
Until next week--Kristi
Comments
Post a Comment