My Vegas Experience Part 1
A FEW THINGS: I had a hard time getting prepped to go to Vegas for a conference. I am still mourning my dog terribly and I also had to present at this conference and with all of the emotions going on I just wasn't in the mood to go on this trip.
Once I got to Vegas and figured out where my room was, where the conference was and just taking in how completely crazy Vegas is--I went to the conference get together. When I walked through the door I was met with so many hugs from my colleagues. So many conversations. So much love. I am actually not sure when the last time was that I felt so much love. My heart filled with joy. It was just incredibly nice to feel loved, wanted, and embraced.
That night I couldn't help but reflect on the blog I posted a few weeks ago about my struggles with friendships and relationships with family. I always ask myself what I need to do to change--what I need to do to meet the needs of friends and even family. I walked into a room and was met with love and they never required me to be anything other than...myself.
To be on two ends of a spectrum is quite exhausting mentally. The constant questioning of myself, the sleepless nights because I can't "fit in" or be "forgiven" or the fight to be understood has worn me out. I have been dealing with this for over 20 years. And then I head to a conference and receive all of this positivity made me feel like--well when is the shit going to hit the fan? When am I going to say something that I shouldn't have said? When am I going to be corrected? When I get home am I still going to be friends with all of these people on Facebook? When is the bad going to happen? Well--to my surprise--it didn't happen. I am still loved. What in the holy hell is going on?
When I got home I discussed this with my oldest daughter. And she politely said--maybe you are just around to many assholes. And I thought about that for awhile and in some ways she is right. There are just to many people around me that aren't good for my soul. And I need to cut them out of my life. I deserve to be around people that lift me and support me.
So tomorrow is the big day--I am cutting people out of my life and I am starting with my local "friends" and "family". Because mentally I am being messed with by them the most. And for those that are lucky enough to be in my life after this cut--well let it be known--if I even sense that you are not in my life to be a positive light--you are out.
I absolutely can't let go of a local person going on Facebook and letting me know that people were saying I was worthless and now even he could see it and the only person that defended me was my mother. I even had messages from "mutual friends" asking me NOT to make them choose between the two of us. Well sweetie's you already chose. This weighed on me heavily.
As far as the community goes--I am in the process of retiring from my business. After my oldest son graduates I will just be Conner's mom--"Local Business Owner" will be off the page. For those that never came into my greenhouse but really needed to be my friend on Facebook, for the family that refused to pay their charge and left me with an over $300.00 loss, and for those that after 20 YEARS in business didn't know my business actually existed? Well--it has just been GRAND.
For those that DID support my business all of these years--I want to say thank you. Because of you my children were able to travel, I was able to travel. You helped pay for every extra curricular activity my kids did. My husband is a great supporter for our family and the greenhouse gave my kids the freedom to go a little further and experience life outside of South Dakota and I will forever be grateful for your support throughout the years.
As I leave you this evening I want to say this--I will always speak my mind, and if I care about you I will go to the ends of the earth for you. It is just to bad you didn't really give me a chance.
Until next time...Kristi
Once I got to Vegas and figured out where my room was, where the conference was and just taking in how completely crazy Vegas is--I went to the conference get together. When I walked through the door I was met with so many hugs from my colleagues. So many conversations. So much love. I am actually not sure when the last time was that I felt so much love. My heart filled with joy. It was just incredibly nice to feel loved, wanted, and embraced.
That night I couldn't help but reflect on the blog I posted a few weeks ago about my struggles with friendships and relationships with family. I always ask myself what I need to do to change--what I need to do to meet the needs of friends and even family. I walked into a room and was met with love and they never required me to be anything other than...myself.
To be on two ends of a spectrum is quite exhausting mentally. The constant questioning of myself, the sleepless nights because I can't "fit in" or be "forgiven" or the fight to be understood has worn me out. I have been dealing with this for over 20 years. And then I head to a conference and receive all of this positivity made me feel like--well when is the shit going to hit the fan? When am I going to say something that I shouldn't have said? When am I going to be corrected? When I get home am I still going to be friends with all of these people on Facebook? When is the bad going to happen? Well--to my surprise--it didn't happen. I am still loved. What in the holy hell is going on?
When I got home I discussed this with my oldest daughter. And she politely said--maybe you are just around to many assholes. And I thought about that for awhile and in some ways she is right. There are just to many people around me that aren't good for my soul. And I need to cut them out of my life. I deserve to be around people that lift me and support me.
So tomorrow is the big day--I am cutting people out of my life and I am starting with my local "friends" and "family". Because mentally I am being messed with by them the most. And for those that are lucky enough to be in my life after this cut--well let it be known--if I even sense that you are not in my life to be a positive light--you are out.
I absolutely can't let go of a local person going on Facebook and letting me know that people were saying I was worthless and now even he could see it and the only person that defended me was my mother. I even had messages from "mutual friends" asking me NOT to make them choose between the two of us. Well sweetie's you already chose. This weighed on me heavily.
As far as the community goes--I am in the process of retiring from my business. After my oldest son graduates I will just be Conner's mom--"Local Business Owner" will be off the page. For those that never came into my greenhouse but really needed to be my friend on Facebook, for the family that refused to pay their charge and left me with an over $300.00 loss, and for those that after 20 YEARS in business didn't know my business actually existed? Well--it has just been GRAND.
For those that DID support my business all of these years--I want to say thank you. Because of you my children were able to travel, I was able to travel. You helped pay for every extra curricular activity my kids did. My husband is a great supporter for our family and the greenhouse gave my kids the freedom to go a little further and experience life outside of South Dakota and I will forever be grateful for your support throughout the years.
As I leave you this evening I want to say this--I will always speak my mind, and if I care about you I will go to the ends of the earth for you. It is just to bad you didn't really give me a chance.
Until next time...Kristi
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